The hotel was revolting, I won't lie. The doors didn't lock properly (huge concern), no safe to lock your valuables in, no hairdryers or any other items other than a bed, basin, loo and hosey thing in bathtub.
So I had begged Mahesh to try and arrange for us to get into a wedding, so he invited me to come with him to a dinner with him and his friends and he will see what he can arrange amongst them. Only I am not allowed to tell anyone.
This concerned me. But the guy seemed relatively decent enough, and with all the representatives phoning and checking up on you as often as they do, I figured its a calculated risk.
Sure, ok, would like that.
I actually had to go back into the hotel for half an hour and wait, and then get them to phone him to fetch me again.
On route he asked me if I drink. I say yes I do. He told me that we need to buy alcohol at a shop and then take it to the restaurant as 'this way is cheaper'. By now am sms'ing my travel agent his number saying if anything happens to me she should call him.
At night, Agra looks a thousand ties scarier. We drive through slummish areas and stop outside a countainer with a lightbulb in it and racks packed with only a few bottles of booze. It looks like what we call a shebeen.
Heart thumping, we walk up to the crowd that started parting like the sea, all staring at me. Some come stand right up against you staring. Some take photo's with their cellphones. Some walk around you a few times to see if the other side is more fascinating. I try hard to seem oblivious to this.
I quickly settle on vodka and Mahesh gets the price down from 340 to 240 rupees for a dinky bottle.
As we get back into the safe place that is the car, Mahesh spots a friend in the dark and runs out to fetch him.
Sms travel agent again... to make sure... starting to doubt the wisdom of my decision.
The friend comes over, opens my door and introduces himself as Anaand Singh, a short hazel eyed guy. He stretches out a sweaty palm and we do a polite greet before he hops into our car. Anaand then spots HIS friend, a quiet young guy with broad set eyes and friendly smile. He jumps in the car too and off we go.
I sit in the front seat picturing the newspaper headlines.
The restaurant looked pleasant and was happy to see more foreigners there with their guides. There was a little boy singing his lungs out and a young man passionately beating the drums.
We kept our bottles of hard tack under the table and our soft drinks on the table and refilled as we went.
They ordered some pompadums and chilli chicken as snacks and proceeded to chat away in Hindu.
Anaand was quite chatty (more and more so as the whiskey flowed). The owner of the restaurant is friends with Anaand and invited us to come to his brothers wedding!!!
Equally excited and scared, the alcohol helped to quell fears and I said I would love to go. He said dinner was on the house, I did not have to pay. In India this is very weird which didn't help my concerns. (kidney kidnappings!??)
We all piled into the car and a slim very quiet guy joined the three others in the car. The drive there was a near death experience. Weaving and bopping through cars, cows, bikes, pedestrians, often on the wrong side of the road and a few times on the kerb, all at rather high speeds. Indian music blaring away, everyone bopping and chainsmoking and singing along. I felt strangely like a teenager sneaking off to a party and for a moment felt quite festive and started relaxing and bopping along.
Until we left the main road and drove into the absolute black darkness of the suburbs. Now I cannot really explain this place with reference to anything in SA, for the places that look like this means certain death for me if I had to explore. I cannot really say slums as there are buildings, but in SUCH a state of decay and disrepair, it looks like a ghost town in a horror movie with a whole lot more dirt and rubbish all around. Dusty roads, rubble, rubbish, animals, lost people in the dark. All buildings totally dark as if the entire suburb is deserted. Hundreds of very, very poor people. And of course the utter shock on their faces when they see ME. Fear is an understatement.
Up ahead, finally some light, wedding processions in fact. What a crazy affair!
Ten to twenty guys carrying lamps/lanterns on their shoulders, followed by and connected to a cart with the generator and loud bollywood music blaring from its speakers, a procession of dancing men and women in front of it, the groom always on/being pulled by a white horse or two, fireworks, drums, trumpets, madness.
Mahesh stops the car right next to one of these processions and says "Ok, get down for picture".
My eyes must have been saucerlike. Horrified, I go "WHAT?!?! Here???"
Anaand and the other two are out already, he opens my door, grabs my arm and next thing I am outside in the darkness, the chaos, the noise, the rubble.
He spreads his arms out like a Federal agent and leads the way through the procession, the other two guys sort of span around me and do the same. Everyone stops, stares and starts shouting and announcing my arrival.
The noise is crazy, my heart is pumping gallons of blood past my ears. We are almost running, cymbals clashing, drums, shouts and jeers and BANG! explosions from fireworks. I am exhilarated, totally alive and in the moment, fascinated by the wedding and also keeping a keen eye on the guys desperately trying not to lose them.
They were however always around me, protecting me and this warmed my heart. They spoke rapidly in Hindu to all the people that were approaching and amazingly everyone backed off respectfully and kept a (small) berth.
And finally we stop a bit ahead of the wedding, back in the now calmness of the dark.
I am now laughing... my head off.
My three bodyguards and I, standing in a decaying alley, thick stench in the air.
Finally we see Kumars car come around the oncoming chaos.
With relief I fall onto my seat. We all cheer and drive onto the wedding, Bollywood tunes blaring away, feeling so alive. We reach a building completely covered in lights. I was happy to see it seemed like an upmarket wedding (reasonably). Everyone peeled out of the car, more cigarettes were passed around.
All the guys start changing into their formal gear and start combing their hair. They take out envelopes and scribble notes and wishes onto it, and slip 500 rupees and a 1 rupee coin (this is mandatory for good luck) into the envelope as wedding gift.
And in we go. EvErYoNe stared at me. EVERYONE. Was half expecting the music to stop. But again, my now four strong group of bodyguards fanned out around me and all was well. I was starting to relax!
It was magical! An Indian wedding is like no other.
The groom then proceeded on to receive his hindu blessing before stepping up onto the (rotating!) podium for pictures with his family. The bride then arrives adorned in jewels and piercings and steps up to the podium as well where they exchange white and red floral garlands and have pictures taken while they rotate like a car at a carshow. Even I got called up many times for pictures with the couple and their family, as well as two other western guys that arrived at the party. My team of four looked after me well the whole eve.
Eventually at 1.30am the pictures were still going and we decided to call it a night. The drive home was calmer, the roads much quieter. Everyone except Mahesh drinking beer. We dropped them off and Mahesh took me back to my hotel. He informed me that I had accidentally paid the guide with Dubai currency today. Horrified since the value was about 30 times more than the bloody rupee.
Mahesh reckoned I could still get it back the next day and said goodbye.
What a night!
